It's been a long time.....

Once again I've taken a well earned vacation in one of our public mental health acute care facilities and been released a better and may I say, warmer human being. Though, this time no one tried to rape me, I guess I'm getting older...Dust in the wind and all that....

Well I'm back and with that my email was packed with get well and hang in there sediment. Well maybe not so much... cause really who likes a nut bar whiner.

Anyway, I got another 25 things about you email that my overly drug induced mind had to answer with the condition it was on my blog....


1. What time did you get up this morning?
-thanks to modern medicine I didn't...

2. How do you like your steak?
-still meowing and free...

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
-pass...your really going to get to know me by finding out which Hollywood cookie cutter flick I watched will give you insight into my mind, my soul, my love for chia pets...

4. What is your favorite TV show?
-pass again... there is nothing worth watching since Paula Abdul left American Idol.... I really miss that drugged up whore...

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
-In my house because that is where my stuff is...pretty stupid question....


6. What did you have for breakfast?
-I don't have breakfast it's against my devote devotion to pre-athiestism post-agnosticism....

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
-Since I cook for a living this question should be very deep and meaningful that is why I am not going to answer it because that is just the information they will need to finally commit me... I'm on to you I really am.

8. What foods do you dislike?
-Anything prepared by angry midgets

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
-up against a wall

10. Favorite dressing?
-refer to question 7.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
-is this some attempt to gauge the size of my penis? Because if it is it's damn cold in here...

12. What are your favorite clothes?
-First off favourite is spelled with a u in it... We're in Canada damn it! Oh and it's my pink jumper with the unicorn and rainbows on it... What! a straight guy can like jumpers...

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
-So, you'd like to know my whereabouts eh? Think I would slip up eh? Well if you think I'm going to pay for those jazzerise classes you have another thing coming..

14. How many children do you want?
-Now there is a good question...humm... The sweat shop business is quite competitive, so I'd say around 2000ish... I don't really have time to crunch the numbers...

15. Where would you want to retire?
-There is no retirement for the wicked or unemployed...

16. Favourite time of day?
-Oprah....we only have one more year....the horror....

17. Where were you born?
-in a stable, next to a manager, because there was no room in the inn....

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
-There you go again without the u... Death sport better known as Luge...

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
-hopefully everyone

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
-someone with a death wish...

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
-if I haven't said so fuck you....

22. Bird watcher?
-really...I mean really?? what the fuck? Who do you think you are jack off? You just go straight for the jugular with that one...no, no, no, no ya sick bastard...

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
-I'm a human-being you heartless bastard...with feelings you will never understand...

24. Do you have any pets?
-Yes..okay... yes, a fish called Lance Armstrong okay... read your way into that I dare you...

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
-the answer was cheese doodle....you know?

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
-dead... thanks for the flash back....you son-of-a-bitch!

27. What is the one thing you regret most since high school?
-yes there is... I could have had a V8....and vodka

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
-I'm not much for ethnic food, but if I have to answer (and I don't) I'd say cats... no wait... I forgot what I was going to say...

29. Are you married?
-maybe if I had any memory of the last six months...

30. Always wear your seat belt?
-They usually keep me pretty well strapped to the gurney...

And that's that now maybe I can get back to ranting...

25 things about me bullshit....

People have been sending me this facebook 25 things about me bullshit and I`ve been deleting it cause I think that I don't have 25 people to know all my close held secrets.... That is defiantly too small of a group, I want all the random rant bloggers to know.... So here it goes, but know this I`m not going to be held in by the 25 quota or limit.. And also know that none of this information is applicable, or what ever the legal term is, in court.
Secret #1
- Fuck you... I just wanted to get that clear
#2
-I am a cooking God.... and I am very shy about it
#3
-I have an extremely good sense of smell which has turned out to be a curse working in mental health.... Every time you think you've smelled the worst thing in the world some reality challenged brethren raises the bar.... This is fucked up but sadly true, I can tell if a girl is riding the cotton pony when she walks through the door or when a guy decided to use sunscreen to polish his early morning wood and not shower. Guilt has a very strong smell... Some smells are so strong that I have to brush my teeth...
#4
- I like Carpenter Songs... Please refer to #1
#5
-I have a list of movies, in writing, that I will never watch. Titanic is on the top of the list, and it seems to be the one that people get up in arms about.. News fucken flash the boat sank a 100 years ago, that's all I need to know...
#6
-I have been married and divorced twice... no surprise... honestly would you live with me??...
#7
-I email and hangout with my Lawyer...once again, no surprise... I think I"m putting her kid through med school..
#8
-I had a dog named Sport... I had him from age 8 till 19 and had to watch him die... I will never have another dog...
#9
-I have watched three people die and they haven't brought any kind of emotion out of me like Sport did... Probably no one ever will...
#10
- I can not be killed by conventional methods...I could expand on this but it would only bore me...
#11
-I believe Jesus is a paedophile, Prove me wrong people, prove me wrong...
#12
-I fear midgets, oh don't let their jolly fun dispositions lull you into a false sense of security. They're united and angry. I know what your thinking you could fight them off by grabbing one of them and using him as a angry object to club the onslaught, but it will be in vain cause they won't stop. They bite and hard, and when your down to their level you're done...This keeps me up most nights.
#13
-I drink... a lot.. that was probably obvious....
#14
-I hate the #14 which is also my birthday...
#15
-I think people with Coca Cola collections are big losers...
#16
-I truly hate Mr. Bean, not Rowan Atkinson but that fucking Mr. Bean. DIE! DIE! DIE! WORMS EATING YOUR EYES OUT!!!!
#17
-There is only one true Satan and that's that Big Ass Purple Dinosaur, BARNIE!!!
#18
-I'm heavily medicated, which is probably for the best...
#19
-I've spent so many days in the emergency ward the nurses know me by name and where a certain private mole is....
#20
-Whispering makes me agitated to the point of mental hospitalization...
#21
-I've been committed through the mental health act on three different occasions....
#22
-I'm not gay, I just really love rainbows and unicorns
#23
-I've wiped a 60 year old mans ass and got paid for it...
#24
-I have 37 first cousins... and I think all the stupid people are breading except the readers of this blog... sure that makes you feel better...
#25
-I'm not going to say who or what but you know I know something really bad about you.....


DONE!!!