I do and don't forget it!!

Let's rant..
You know what really pisses me off, it's marriage, obvious of course. I am a bit of an expert, I've gone through it twice, and you can't really say you know marriage unless you've been married and divorced at least once. Just being married and not divorced only gives you half the story (what a revelation right...)
So the fact is I've been married and divorced twice...Why is that? Maybe, I have a twisted compulsion to get rid of half my stuff every seven years?.. maybe..is it that I've taken a lot of shots to my head in my life?... more likely.. is it because god hates me?..well that might be true if I wasn't a devout atheist who won't believe in god until I'm on my death bed which I'll do just to cover the odds...possibly..To really understand the whole subject it might be easier to understand first the reasons for me to get married and then the reasons for me getting divorced.

Why would anyone or more applicable, why would I get married? The first thought that crosses my heavily drugged and inebriated mind is I have no idea??? really... well that isn't that true.
Let's look at my first marriage...
I was of the ripe old age of 22 and in puppy dog love with said lady (puppy dog love is a nice way of saying I was young dumb and full of...let's say life)

Well my first wife schooled me good and how. She was only four years older than me but she was a lifetime older than me in experience. I got my ass served to me on a plate and I deserved it for being a fool...
That really didn't answer either question of why get married and why get divorced... So why did I get married... because I'm an idiot... simple.. Why get divorced? Because she left and took everything.. People used to ask, "how's your wife?" and I'd say, "she's dead..." then wait a minute and tell them that she was brutally killed in a car accident in which my cat "Ralph" was driving and was distracted by all my stuff getting in the way of his vision. It was gory and drawn out etc...
And from that point on my first ex. was known as "the car accident"...

My second marriage and divorce was much different... At that point in my life I thought I was much more savvy and worldly. When I first met her I told her I would never get married again and would be perfectly happy to just live together... Right...
After being together for four years, (the length of the car accident relationship...total) she felt envious of all her friends that were getting married and laid many hints, that she would like to be married too... (to this day she will deny that fact... but it's true) anyways this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. The fact still remains that I was an idiot again.... Fool me once...yadda yadda yadda... Fool me twice I'm still an idiot..
This marriage was going to be different... I'd ask her, I was more prepared, I still got my ass handed to me on a plate...
Like the marriage the divorce was different but the same... I was left in the mental hospital (which some say she put me there.... but that's not too fair, I've always needed to be hospitalized)
Things were different in this divorce, though I was left homeless, job less and sane-less etc.
Though, I wasn't going to get raped in the divorce so my family, not me, got me a good lawyer because I am an idiot and things got ugly. This time I didn't lose my cat and car but things got smashed up like a train wreck, (which is what my friends call my second divorce.... I personally feel the name lacks imagination, but you don't get to choose always... if I had the choice and I do I might call it "The Matrix II" man that movie sucked... but made some money) Needless to say me and the"train wreck" don't talk... she's really pissed she had to give up some money....
And why might you ask is she so pissed that she lost money... because she plan on leaving me a year in advance and things didn't go exactly as she planned.... Still I went from owning a home to renting....

Now that I've got two marriages and divorces under my belt you might ask if I will get married again. And the answer is obvious... yes because I'm an idiot... but no, not until I find a way to reconcile my need to get rid of my stuff and my need for a good alibi...

Funny enough M is getting married this year after I have show him the fallase my ways, but what can you do... Maybe he's an idiot like me.